All Over

 Here's my Monkey, hanging out at a friends house.

He doesn't cooperate for pictures so much any more,

especially since he seems to think the camera 

is not only permanently attached to my hand, 

but perpetually pointed at him. 

Here's the little guy I've been hanging out with.

He's a good friends newbie, Hayli's little brother.

Our other good friend and I babyshare him

while mom works at the preschool. 

This was from my fall mini sessions --

they turned out pretty awesome, I think.

******

Like the title of the post,

this is going to be all over the place.

Everything seems to be going so well on the surface.

Thanksgiving is coming up, as is a trip to 

the North Pole Experience

(with awesome friends).

Afterwards, a friend from back East is coming to visit.

Then Christmas! 

We were gifted recliners as an early Christmas.

The Danes are doing well

(and Kira as well as she can).

I lost 20 pounds!!

Things are busy --

pumpkin patch,

community Halloween party,

friends Halloween party.

A few photo sessions.

Soccer games 

(and practice).

We're all home together.

We can't wait for our pending move out of New Mexico.

But man.

Baby Dreams do not go away easily.

Adoption is off the table;

our contract is cancelled.

Though our home study is still current,

we have no way to find a match or placement.

I find myself sometimes wondering what it would be like

if we had adopted Baby Girl.

She's 7 months old now. 

Or Baby Boy...

He's 2 months old.

We have taken some preliminary steps towards

infertility treatment again.

And the doctors insist that we begin testing

and procedures 

ALL OVER AGAIN. 

 They suck, they hurt, and they take forever. 

We're doing it anyway, 

but still. 

And since there is no chance of having

what worked before done,

this is really a shot in the dark. 

Just something to hope for, 

instead of doing nothing. 

And do you know what?

No matter what I do,

or who I talk to...

Every time I hear about someone

who wasn't planning,

didn't want, 

doesn't have employment handled, 

or being upset that a pregnancy has happened --

I feel broken. 

Inadequate. 

Less of Woman.

It hurts, and I try not to show it. 

But I want to break down,

melt into a puddle. 

I wonder about the 

baby we lost, 

Baby Girl who was in my arms,

and Baby Boy we had

to walk away from. 

It just HURTS.

I rage at the injustice of the world.

I rage at God.

How can he give these beautiful,

tiny Blessings, 

to people that aren't ready?

That don't want them?

To people that injure, neglect, abuse or kill them?

What about US?

I know it is irrational.

It still doesn't go away. 

Photos

So I have been working on a big project. 

I've been studying photography for the better

part of three years --

ever since I got my DSLR.

After much thought,

I bit the bullet. 

I opened up a photography business!

  This is my super awesome logo. 

It's going a bit slow getting going --

but I have had 

two newborns, 

a family, 

and I have a senior session this weekend! 

I'm pretty happy about this whole thing! 

*****

Everything else is going well.

Monkey is growing like a weed.

We're mentally preparing for Christmas.

Planning a trip to the 

pumpkin patch and corn maze. 

Thanksgiving with some pretty awesome friends. 

Then, with those same friends, 

we are going to the 

North Pole Experience!

(The kiddos don't know yet.)

All in all, it's good. 

 

Another Month

Sorry about that. 

There's been a lot going on. 

Mostly good, though --

just BUSY.

Monkey is back in preschool, 

three days a week. 

Up until today,

he still had weekly swim lessons. 

Now he's also playing soccer! 

It's pretty funny to watch four year olds play any

"organized" sport! 

I also joined a MOPs group

(Mothers Of Preschoolers).

I've only attended one meeting, 

but I really liked it. 

I even won a raffle! 

(And I never win stuff like that!)

It was a ceramic travel coffee mug

and a book. 

Can't share too many details about it, 

I'm thinking it might be something 

that I buy for someone else for Christmas. 

But the biggest news. 

I OPENED UP A PHOTOGRAPHY BUSINESS!

You can find my website

(which is still slightly under construction)

here.

I hope all is well with you and yours, 

and I promise I will be back more often.

San Antonio

 Monkey on the boat for the San Antonio River Tour

 All of us on said tour boat. 

 Monkey in a bubble!

 Children's Museum

 

 River Walk

 Watching Shamu 

 Shamu Show! 

 Feeding dolphins 

 As Monkey explains it, we fed dolphins dead fish!

 Dolphins are awesome.

It was really neat to touch and feed them. 

Well, this was how we spent our impromptu vacation/reality avoidance.

It was good to focus on our family, 

and made our time in Texas fun and not only grief.

Photos for a Friend, and a Prayer Request

A couple of weeks ago, a local friend said she was looking for a photographer to take some pictures of her and her husband. I offered to take them for her, for portfolio building and some practice for me. I am very glad that they took me up on the offer!

The pictures were in honor of their second anniversary! This last year had been rough for R & D, and they wanted to celebrate!

 

These are just a few from their session in a local park. R & D are a beautiful couple and were fun to work with. They also didn't mind me taking extra time to get it right as I learn.

If you pray, please say one for this lovely couple. R & D are going through a very dark time and could use lots of love, prayer, and healing energy.

Pictures! (Part 2)

 Here is Monkey at his End of Year show for preschool.

Looks impressed, huh?

 This is all of the kids singing a song about summer!

 This one is my favorite. 

His class sang the "Baby Bumblebee" song.

Snapped at the end of their performance.

It is the face he makes when singing the end of anything.

Monkey then demands you clap.

 At the end of April, we had front row seats to a fire.

 Said fire was on the mountains behind our house.

It was apparently started by a tank. 

Yes. A TANK.

That also meant we had front row seats to the efforts of ending the fire.

We watched fire crews cut fire breaks and back burn.

Also, we observed (and listened to) 

giant tanker helicopters flying almost nonstop. 

Luckily, even though they told us to be prepared for an evacuation, 

it never happened.

Pictures! (Part 1)

Here is Monkey on our trip to S Carolina and Georgia! 

Such a hammy guy.

A shot at my Aunt's house.

I really miss the South.

(but it gave me a wonderful place to practice with my camera!)

Wisteria!

Really. I miss the green. 

The desert is so...brown. And dusty.

The quilt! 

It's been done for a while now.

Isn't it adorable?

Monkey loves it, which makes me happy.

Molly Bubble Romper

It was for baby Paige.

And a flowery headband to go with it!

I Love My Camera

I've always loved to take pictures. Am I the best at it? Not really. But I did get the most awesome-est gift from Kevin last year after he came home from training.

A Nikon D5000. And 2 lenses. And a tripod, a camera bag and memory card. Mostly I have taken some awesome pictures of Monkey (because he is SO photogenic. Really, it's not because I am his mom...maybe). You've seen some of the results here on Clever Name.

I've also got Photoshop Elements, which I am finally bothering to learn about. You know, more than just basics. I can actually DO things with it! Who knew?! I taught myself to digitally scrapbook - hence our most awesome adoption profiles. And I finally learned some photo-editing. It's not like I want to be a photographer one day or something - I'd just like to have some fun on the side and take some pretty great pictures for our friends. It helps me learn the camera, learn editing and they get some pictures for free that they might not have gotten otherwise.

I have a pregnant friend and neighbor. Her little boy is just a few months younger than mine, so they play a bit. I finally asked her if she'd let me take some pictures of her for learning experience for me, and fun for her. She said YES! (Thank you, Elise!).

I am now brave enough to share those with you here - lucky you! Please feel free to comment and tell me what you think.

Belly and Baby Girl's Name

Beautiful Belly

A Windy Day, fun angle

Just Belly, Baby's Name

Simple, in the house

Baby Girl's Hair Accessories

Invisible Pregnant Lady!

Isn't she beautiful?!

These were actually taken on her very last day of being pregnant - the baby came the next afternoon, roughly 24 hours after these were taken.