Merry Spring!

It only seemed like it! 

I couldn't handle baring my heart for awhile. 

Ok, it was a long while this time. 

I left you here mid 2013. So what's happened?

SO MANY THINGS. 

Not too long after my last post, things became dicey with our Dane girls. Kira was almost 8 years old, which is toward the higher end of average for Great Danes. We had been managing her discospondylosis, hip problems, and knee conditions for about two years. She was not only taking supplements, but Rimadyl and Tramadol for pain control. But she became more touchy, and was lashing out at Misha. There were a couple of fights, a couple of trips to be patched up. In the end, we had to make the heartbreaking decision to let Kira cross the Rainbow Bridge. She was our first 'baby,' a comfort while we were trying for a human baby. She was my very first dog to boot! It colored the rest of the year. 

We also made the decision for Monkey to attend public school, since we are in one of the best districts in our state. I couldn't keep up with his appetite for learning! We'd finish his work in just a couple of hours, and I had no idea how to fill our days so that he was learning and moving forward. He's had amazing teachers who helped him, pushed him, and let him keep progressing. This year that has changed, and we are reconsidering our decision if this trend continues. For now though, it works. 

2014

It was a good year! Monkey did well in school, Kevin and I were both very involved in the class room and I went on a couple of field trips. We just lived a normal life, whatever normal is. 

At some point, we decided to try a few more rounds of fertility treatment. Two rounds with my regular OB/GYN (while working with a Reproductive Endocrinologist) led to two extremely early pregnancy losses. We followed through with more intensive testing, which didn't reveal a lot, but did leave us taking a few months off of trying to conceive. 

Sometime in there, I started attending a FitSkate class with a local roller derby team! Tons of fun, even if it ended in a bruised tail bone a few times! I hadn't been on skates since I was a teenager, so there was a definite learning curve. However, I started having super strange symptoms at the end of the year (numbness, a foot drop, falls, weakness...just a host of weirdness). I saw my primary care physician for a work up, and a referral to a neurologist. I needed to see one anyway for following my migraines, so this wasn't cause for alarm at all. 

We had a good holiday season, my mom came near Thanksgiving and Christmas was great! 

2015

While following these issues, I ended up in the hospital for a few days in January. They found an ischemic event in my brain (either a stroke no one knew about, or tiny bleed from a concussion during a car wreck in 2012). It was old when found, so not a giant concern but it sounded scary! I was evaluated for Multiple Sclerosis. Since this is a diagnosis mostly made by exclusion, it involved lots of testing. At the same time, we working on another round of fertility treatment. We had to stop right when I was to start Femara again, so the cycle was interrupted.

To make things just slightly more fun, we knew Kevin was soon to leave for pre-deployment training and then for deployment to the Middle East. We decided then we'd try once more with the doctors help after he returned. I started occupational therapy to strengthen my left side, and kept up with that while Kevin was away for training. He left just after our wedding anniversary. I had a few tests with results that were only *slightly* out of normal, but my symptoms slowly faded, and it was determined I wouldn't need to come back for several months. A couple of weeks later, I noticed I hadn't had a cycle since the medicine I used to induce it for our aborted fertility cycle in January/February. Nothing unusual, especially considering my PCOS and endometriosis. I took a pregnancy test before I called the doctor. 

Imagine my shock when it was *POSITIVE.*

I'm sure I almost fell over. Talk about pins and needles! My first ultrasound was inconclusive, showing only an amniotic sac and yolk sac. Since we had no idea when I'd conceived, we weren't sure if this was a problem or not. The next week though, there was a tiny flicker of a heartbeat! Monkey found the pregnancy tests I'd inadvertently left on my bathroom counter, and me forgetting how smart he was, demanded to know "does dad know about this?!" He was fairly excited though. He got to come to the 13 week ultrasound, where baby looked like a baby instead of a blob. He announced this big news to my mom via video chat. Kevin was home for a few weeks between training and deploying, and got to see an ultrasound as well.

Kevin left just as school got out, and Monkey and I spent the summer playing at the splash pad downtown and took a trip to Colorado with Kevin's sister. We found out baby's gender, and used pictures of Monkey to announce our little girl! Monkey started 2nd grade in August, and Kevin returned home in October. I spent most of the summer and fall craving cheeseburgers and grapes, and watching my active belly bounce around. She was due Dec 10, but after a concerning biophysical profile on my birthday, we induced labor.

My little Owl was born on 20 Nov at 1018am. She was 6lbs, 15 oz and 19 inches long. (I'll be back soon with a proper birth story post and many pictures.)

Thanksgiving and Christmas were spent at home with our tiny new baby! In January, Kevin attended two weeks of training (and I survived my first TDY with 2 kids!).

2016

 

On this day in 2004,

(which was also the first day of Spring)

Kevin and I were married. 

Twelve years! 

Two babies! 

An almost 8 year old Monkey,

 and as of today, 

a 4 month old Owlet.

Life is awesome.

 

 

All Over

 Here's my Monkey, hanging out at a friends house.

He doesn't cooperate for pictures so much any more,

especially since he seems to think the camera 

is not only permanently attached to my hand, 

but perpetually pointed at him. 

Here's the little guy I've been hanging out with.

He's a good friends newbie, Hayli's little brother.

Our other good friend and I babyshare him

while mom works at the preschool. 

This was from my fall mini sessions --

they turned out pretty awesome, I think.

******

Like the title of the post,

this is going to be all over the place.

Everything seems to be going so well on the surface.

Thanksgiving is coming up, as is a trip to 

the North Pole Experience

(with awesome friends).

Afterwards, a friend from back East is coming to visit.

Then Christmas! 

We were gifted recliners as an early Christmas.

The Danes are doing well

(and Kira as well as she can).

I lost 20 pounds!!

Things are busy --

pumpkin patch,

community Halloween party,

friends Halloween party.

A few photo sessions.

Soccer games 

(and practice).

We're all home together.

We can't wait for our pending move out of New Mexico.

But man.

Baby Dreams do not go away easily.

Adoption is off the table;

our contract is cancelled.

Though our home study is still current,

we have no way to find a match or placement.

I find myself sometimes wondering what it would be like

if we had adopted Baby Girl.

She's 7 months old now. 

Or Baby Boy...

He's 2 months old.

We have taken some preliminary steps towards

infertility treatment again.

And the doctors insist that we begin testing

and procedures 

ALL OVER AGAIN. 

 They suck, they hurt, and they take forever. 

We're doing it anyway, 

but still. 

And since there is no chance of having

what worked before done,

this is really a shot in the dark. 

Just something to hope for, 

instead of doing nothing. 

And do you know what?

No matter what I do,

or who I talk to...

Every time I hear about someone

who wasn't planning,

didn't want, 

doesn't have employment handled, 

or being upset that a pregnancy has happened --

I feel broken. 

Inadequate. 

Less of Woman.

It hurts, and I try not to show it. 

But I want to break down,

melt into a puddle. 

I wonder about the 

baby we lost, 

Baby Girl who was in my arms,

and Baby Boy we had

to walk away from. 

It just HURTS.

I rage at the injustice of the world.

I rage at God.

How can he give these beautiful,

tiny Blessings, 

to people that aren't ready?

That don't want them?

To people that injure, neglect, abuse or kill them?

What about US?

I know it is irrational.

It still doesn't go away. 

Photos

So I have been working on a big project. 

I've been studying photography for the better

part of three years --

ever since I got my DSLR.

After much thought,

I bit the bullet. 

I opened up a photography business!

  This is my super awesome logo. 

It's going a bit slow getting going --

but I have had 

two newborns, 

a family, 

and I have a senior session this weekend! 

I'm pretty happy about this whole thing! 

*****

Everything else is going well.

Monkey is growing like a weed.

We're mentally preparing for Christmas.

Planning a trip to the 

pumpkin patch and corn maze. 

Thanksgiving with some pretty awesome friends. 

Then, with those same friends, 

we are going to the 

North Pole Experience!

(The kiddos don't know yet.)

All in all, it's good. 

 

Back!

Monkey and I have been back from our trip 

to South Carolina for about a week and a half.

Kevin got back from training

last Friday. 

Our family is back in the same house! 

It's been awesome. 

Monkey is like a velcro leach onto

Daddy, but it's very cute 

(and annoying at times, I'm sure.)

However, I am not the leachee, 

so not my issue. 

We had fun in SC, 

got to see The Nana, 

go to the beach

(where everyone burned but Monkey, 

because he has awesome skin). 

Had fun with friends. 

And since we've been back, playing with Daddy has been number one. 

There was a Pampered Chef Part here tonight. 

A baby shower on Saturday 

for a friend here. 

Tomorrow is washing serving dishes, 

making pompoms, 

and baking biscuits. 

Her shower is going to be a tea. 

Was supposed to be a brunch, 

but that is a long, ugly story. 

Everything is going well this summer. 

Just Stuff

Kevin is taking the rest of the leave that he requested.

It's been nice having him home to help entertain the Monkey.

I realized that today is the last day to tag for the Moms, Tots and in-beTweens sale!

That's what I've been doing today.

Clearing out clothes from Monkey.

Extraneous toys, books, baby stuff.

It will be good to get more stuff out of the garage! 

(and buying more clothes for the ever-growing Monkey)

Friday I picked up the dresser we ordered.

After moving it upstairs with Kevin's sister,

I've decided that I hate moving heavy furniture and

that I love the Air Force for moving it for us.

I plan to actually put away the stuff we are keeping for Baby II,

and get it out of rubber tubs and the tiny closet under the stairs.

The Nana is coming to visit next month since she told Monkey 

that she would be here for his birthday party.

Speaking of which, I really need to get on planning that.

Ordering balloons and invitations and planning games.

It will be SUPER fun.

Not sharing the theme, because some of you might attend! 

Holidays fast approaching...

I am finally getting over that cold, though I still sound funny. Woohoo! And can I just say that I love this time of year?!

Halloween with my one eyed, two horned monster was fabulous! We went trick or treating with some friends from Neverland (Peter Pan, Tinkerbell, a Pirate and a Pirate Princess). After we picked some  candy to stay, we put the rest outside and the Great Pumpkin took it and left a very fun "Let's Go Fishing Game!" Last year he brought us Cootie Bugs.

Next up: Breaking Dawn comes out on MY BIRTHDAY WEEKEND! (My birthday is November 19th). I know exactly what I will be doing to celebrate! After that, Thanksgiving (already planning our dinner) and getting ready for Christmas! The Nana (my mom) is coming out for Christmas this year! I am hoping that our big Santa gift will be on sale on Black Friday - if it is, I might brave the crowds.

This year, I am making some homemade gifts as well: a knit hoodie for Monkey, gift baskets for the in laws, and probably a fun movie basket or something for my brother (that he can enjoy with his girlfriend). I would tell you what I am making Kevin and the Nana, but they read here so I can't!

I also have some amazing adoption news to share!

The expectant mother that we have emailed a few times would like to speak to us! We are working on scheduling a call with Lifetime. We are so excited! And nervous! But excited! Please continue to keep her in your thoughts as she makes this difficult decision, as well as us! 

Will keep you posted!

Update of EPIC PROPORTIONS!

HA! My and my New Years Resolutions...they don't usually pan out. I've been thinking about you, my bloggity bloggers! And reading YOUR blogs. But mine?! Pshhht.

Anyway.

I have updates of all sorts. Adoption stuff, animals, birthdays, craftiness, faith, trip....How about I put it that order? It's alphabetical and everything!

Adoption: Not really a whole lot going on there. Lifetime is still presenting out profiles - we were told about a couple of expectant mothers that were interested in us, but nothing panned out. Recently, I saw a situation posted on their website that really and truly touched my soul, and have been praying about it daily. It's been nine months of waiting now - a full term pregnancy. No baby in sight. It's hard to maintain hope some days, but we're going with it. Hopefully, the baby (babies?!) that are supposed to be with us get here soon.

Animals: I have informed your that our home would be a zoo given a chance, right? I've been working on Kevin - I want to add a large bird to our family. :) I managed to find a great stainless steel cage on our local craigslist awhile back. Kevin also let me pick up a little green cheeked conure! His name is Kiwi. However, he has only fueled my desire for a bigger birdie. I have been dreaming of a blue and gold macaw since I was about 12 when I met a lovely one called Dusty. I plan to find a more suitable cage for a Mr Kiwi here (the one he is in is rather large for his size) and then to visit a rescue that is a few hours from here to (hopefully!) bring a new family member home.

Birthdays: My little Monkey....is T-H-R-E-E! I cannot believe this. He is SO big now - 40.5 inches tall. Takes after his Daddy and uncles for sure. He's such a little smarty pants. We had a superbly fun party with him at the gym where he does his tumbling class! (Pictures pending. Along with everything else in this post.)

Craftiness: I have acquired more yarn. Beautimous yarn. Alas, I have done not much with it. I also found lover-ly fabric and started a cathedral window quilt. LOVE IT. You will too. Like I said, pictures are pending.

Faith: I talked mucho about my journey before, and all the reading. Pretty sure that I told you about going to church.. We've been going quite regularly, actually. It's been good! Kevin and I both spoke to the Pastor separately, and decided to join...this means that I took a huge step in this journey of faith. I was baptized! In front of people! And I didn't pass out, freak out or run away! Yay me! I've still been reading TONS though - need to update that book list on the side.

Trip: Monkey and I went to S. Carolina to visit family to give Kevin time to do some things for work. We stayed about 2 weeks and had lots of fun! Our friends from DC now live in S. Carolina now, a couple of hours from my mom's house. They came down to see us! Much fun! Kat & I went to plunder a local yarn store - got drenched in the process, but what they hay.
We saw Kevin's younger sister! I took her prom shopping and found her an adorable dress...plus all the accessories. This annoyed Monkey to no end, but he still had a great time.
We saw my grandfather, where Monkey pilfered LifeSaver gummies and Raisinets. Fairly amusing. While in SC, we also went to Georgia to visit my aunt & uncle, which was also tons of fun.

I plan to be back soon with lots of pictures to illustrate this post. :)

We've also got the last week of school for Monkey coming up with a super fun Water Day planned there. His gymnastics recital is in a few weeks, too! And hopefully we'll have some kind of super fantabulous adoption update soon.