Aaaaah! Nerves and Halloween...

Have I mentioned that I love Halloween? It's one of my favorite holidays! It's also during my favorite season - FALL! Well, it's not so fall-ish here in the desert lately...but TONIGHT it was! Monkey's former teacher and friend of mine invited us to a Halloween party! Monkey is going as "a monster, wif one eye and TWO HORNS! *evil laugh!*Kevin is dressed as some random evil thing (black and red, freaky skull mask and hood). I am a vampire. A pale, sparkly vampire. Yeah, I am one of THOSE people. The ones who like love Twilight. Pics pending! (I've *really* got to download that camera soon...)

We went to the Pumpkin Festival at our local corn maze - the same one with the ducky races from last year. We've also been participating in the Lowe's Build and Grow program...Did you know that it's FREE?! I didn't. I am very glad that I've been informed, because Monkey LOVES it! We've made a Monster Machine and a Monster truck so far (both in October).

What else has been happening....oh, yes! I had to have a root canal and then the next week I was attacked by a horrible virus that had me mostly in bed for 3 days. The doctor says that the virus was likely from one of the little creatures at preschool; you see what I get for volunteering?

But I have much better news.

The expectant mom that changed her mind? She is reconsidering adoption as an option! She, her boyfriend and their daughter have been in our prayers - that they would find peace in their decision, whatever it may be. Much to our surprise, today we got an email (through the facilitator) from her! We're really excited to get to know her better and see what this situation holds for everyone! I am asking that you add them to your prayer list - guidance and a clear heart to make the best decision for themselves and their daughter!

Disappeared Again

Many apologies. It's been busy here.

We decided to get another car, since we are now legal guardians to Kevin's younger sister. And since we hope that we will get a call about a baby soon, we decided to go with a Honda Odyssey. This way our horse of a dog plus our kidlets can still fit. :)

We also moved to a new house; I am working on getting pictures of it! It's wonderful - much bigger and 4 bedrooms, just waiting to be filled.

Our adoption facilitator, Lifetime Adoption, also contacted us. An expectant mother who was considering adoption  was interested in us! We got a lovely email from her and wrote back. A baby girl due in January! While we waited anxiously, we were so excited. I think I let myself get a bit too excited.

After doing some soul searching, the mother has decided to parent her baby since she felt that she was making her decision about adoption based on the baby's father, and not her own. I am very happy that she is strong enough to realize that, and to make the decision that is best for herself and for her daughter.

However, I am heartbroken for myself, for my husband and for my son. I've always wanted my babies to be close in age, and it's something that is very important to me. I find myself wondering if that's just not meant to be. Perhaps we are only supposed to have an only child. I couldn't ask for a better one than we've got. It is very hard to not compare our situation to that of others.

A couple of my closest friends started their families at a ridiculously young age. One now has five kids, another has six. Several others have 3, 4 or more in precarious family situations. I feel as if I've been forgotten about, left out. Why are others able to have kids so easily? Why should my wonderful husband and the best father I know, not be a father to many simply because I am broken and don't work? We have friends who started having kids AFTER us, have two or three or more...It's so HARD to understand.

Why are these BABIES being forgotten about, lost, murdered by their families? Clearly, I've been watching too much of the news. I hear about 600-1000 kids in my own community who are, or nearly are, homeless. Why didn't God give just a few of them to us?

Sometimes, this process of infertility and grieving, pregnancy and more infertility, pregnancy loss and MORE infertility and being led to adoption...it's brutal. I feel like this is what we are supposed to do, but it still isn't working. Maybe the answer is just: No More Kids.



But I will keep praying for my phone to ring, an email to come or a miracle to happen.

Not for the faint of heart...

Adoption, that is.

This wait. So difficult sometimes. We had an *almost* baby; but it feels like it slid through our hands like butter.

The situation was not ideal, and was urgent. We found out about it last night. A baby boy born on Wednesday! We contacted our Facilitator, but didn't hear back last night. When we checked in this morning, we found that they already had another family that was working with the birthmother.

We mentally started to make plans - when to leave, what to pack, dreaming of names...While it didn't totally feel like our situation, it is still very disappointing. I am really trying to focus on the fact that this will happen in God's time, with the baby that should be ours, with the birth family that we can be extra family to.

I really wish I could see when - or if - this is going to happen for us. It's been 13 months today. Does anyone  have any words of wisdom?

Photos for a Friend, and a Prayer Request

A couple of weeks ago, a local friend said she was looking for a photographer to take some pictures of her and her husband. I offered to take them for her, for portfolio building and some practice for me. I am very glad that they took me up on the offer!

The pictures were in honor of their second anniversary! This last year had been rough for R & D, and they wanted to celebrate!

 

These are just a few from their session in a local park. R & D are a beautiful couple and were fun to work with. They also didn't mind me taking extra time to get it right as I learn.

If you pray, please say one for this lovely couple. R & D are going through a very dark time and could use lots of love, prayer, and healing energy.

One Year Today

It's strange to think that today, August 17, we have officially been waiting to adopt a second child for a year.

We first started trying to conceive another child two years ago.

Since we waited and tried for Monkey for 6 years, I suppose we're still doing well. Some days, like today, remaining positive can be a struggle. It is hard not to question ourselves, the profile, are we good enough....

Today, I will feel a little frustrated and sad. Tomorrow, I will find my positivity again.

Crazy times!

Kevin's younger sister came to visit us for awhile in June. We went to Carlsbad Caverns! Super fun stuff.

 Please excuse my wonderful "look". Hiking around down there is hot! 

And amazingly - it actually feels awesomely cool in the caverns.

 This is Monkey refusing to take pictures.

And still angry about it, we see. 

Shaless (the younger sister) is going to be staying with us for her senior year! Should be much fun - Monkey loves having her around. She's already got a job here, and is settling in nicely. Registering for school tomorrow! 

Monkey's preschool open house was tonight! It was great to see his friends we haven't seen all summer, and meet his teachers. And he already knows one of them - she was his teacher last year. He will still be going twice a week. Also - Monkey was invited to join a boys only gymnastics class! This means he will start learning on men's skills and apparatus - down in the big gym! We won't be in the small one anymore. :(

The adoption front - no major movement. They've changed our check in procedures - it's no longer required. We have been participating in the webinars they offer. Still just a waiting game. I can't believe it is coming up on a year since we contracted.

VBS, the ER & Independance Day

I volunteered to be a Tour Guide for Vacation Bible School at our church. The theme this year was "Upside Down and Inside Out on Main Street." My class was the second and third graders - as a tour guide, I helped herd them from one place on Main Street to the next.

It was really exhausting, but tons of fun. I learned right along with the kiddos. Monkey was able to attend as well - his class were Firefighters! (Mine were Tourists.)

This our upside down Main Street. 

Yes, Kevin's arms (and mine!) hurt after hanging that. 

Kevin and Monkey helped build the fire truck. 

After Kevin made the ladder, I cut out the rungs.

And here is Main Street in the Sanctuary.

We also learned songs (including sign language) that infiltrated my brain for days. Luckily they were cute, and had generally good messages. The one that followed me around in my head the most was "I'll adjust my attitude - to gratitude - thank God for everything!"

**

As great as the week was, we did have one very rough day. Monday when Monkey and I left the church, he said his tummy hurt. He used the restroom, and I thought that was the end. On our drive home though, he was in tears off and on with pain. 

At the house, I checked his temp and found a low grade fever. Decided to get him checked, and was assured everything was fine. Came home, he took a nap. Monkey woke up with a 104 degree fever and in lots of pain again. Decided to go the ER - spent HOURS there being evaluated for appendicitis. Poor thing had to get an IV (for blood draws and a bolus of fluids) - had a bag taped on to catch a urine sample (this really, really, REALLY offended him) and then a CT scan. 

Turns out he had some swollen lymph nodes in the same area as the appendix and those were causing pain. Got home at 1:30 in the morning. He ran a slight fever Tuesday, but nothing dramatic. Slept a lot. The next day, while tired, he was totally fine.

Stressful.

**

 We had a fairly low key Independence Day here. Stayed at the house most of the day, watched a movie and played with Monkey. After his nap, we went to one of Kevin's co-workers house (with lots of people from work) who had a great view of the fireworks from his backyard! (Woohoo! No traffic to deal with!) It was fun, but we left soon after as Monkey was tired and beginning to melt down. 

Today was the first day that Monkey and I have managed to stay home and not leave the house  in two weeks. I had a lot of fun wearing pajamas. All. Day. Long. (Don't judge)