Empty

That's the word of the day.

Car seat, cradle, swing, sling, arms, house.

EMPTY.

I didn't think I'd have any issues being back in our home. 

I guess I was wrong.

I put the swing back in the garage, and the cradle in the spare room.

The car is still packed, but the clothes and diapers will get put in there too.

I suppose we will go pick up the dresser, 

and then I will pack away the clothes, diapers, woolies and bottles.

I wandered around the house for a bit, unsure of what to do.

When we got here, we should have been busy.

Unpacking stuff.

Letting the dogs get a sniff of a blanket or hat to smell the baby.

Trying to relax, while juggling Monkey

and feedings, changing diapers, and basking in our new larger family.

I don't know what to do.

And whatever it is, I do NOT feel like doing it. 

No cooking. No unpacking.

Just forget it.

I am in my giant comfy bed, and here I will stay.

Part of me wishes I could just text or call R up like before.

Even though baby isn't ours, I felt that we had formed a friendship,

R and I.

I hope she's doing alright.

I wonder what she named the baby.

I hope her family keeps their word and gives her all the help she needs.

I want her to know that I am not mad.

Just brokenhearted.

But we both knew that one of us would leave the hospital brokenhearted.

How do you hope for that?

Someone to hurt?

Most of all, even though we want to,

how are we going to do this again?