I am listening to our almost four year old who does not want to go to sleep.
Fortunately, Kevin is lying down with him tonight.
(But I took a turn first.)
Not so much has changed here. I cleaned/organized our garage, so we could at least fit ONE car in it.
I put the glider up in our room.
(The cat is the most appreciative of this.)
We put the baby swing in the living room.
*****
It's strange to be in this limbo that adoption brings.
Excited.
Amazed.
Scared for R.
Scared for us.
Terrified of the unknowns.
Wanting to comfort R.
Not wanting to pressure her in any way.
How do we ever tell her that just considering us to be Baby Girl's parents was more than we could have dreamed?
I broached the subject of the birth and delivery of R's little miracle.
She asked me to be there to support her during her labor and birth, and to witness and be a part of everything of "our baby" as she calls her
(ours, referring to herself as well as us).
It brought a huge smile to my face.
R told me that all mothers should get to experience the first breath and cry of their babies.
That brought tears.
I also tried to make it clear that if she changes her mind about anything we've talked about,
she can tell us to back off.
Leave the room, the floor, the hospital.
This is about her and Baby Girl.
I want to make sure that R has what she needs.
Time alone with the baby.
Support from whoever she chooses.
Us not around, if that is important.
Us there, if that is important.
A shoulder to cry on.
A hug.
R will forever be a part of our lives.
When she is ready for contact, and wants to hear from us, I will make sure we are there.
If she hands us this sweet, precious, innocent baby to parent,
I want R to know that she will always be important.
Especially to Baby Girl.
I've been reading stories of first mothers, birth mothers, whatever your preferred term is, not getting what they were promised by the Adoptive Parents.
This cannot happen.
Open Adoption needs to be that.
OPEN.
To all parties.
So the child will know his/her roots.
The love from his/her first family.
The sacrifices made.
The love.
The who, what, why.
While R has not made a decision on what type of contact she desires,
you better believe that she will get it if we can make it happen.
Pictures.
Letters.
Emails.
Phone calls.
Visits, if applicable.
I am sure it will be hard.
For all of us.
It's a journey we're taking together.
