Up and Down

It's been a pretty good day.

Church this morning,

playing with Monkey.

Super-Cleaning Day -

moved all the furniture and vacuumed blinds 

kinda cleaning. 

But in the back of my mind, 

it's a hard day.

This week, we were given an option from Lifetime

that would involve another attorney/agency.

The whole thing felt kind of unethical,

but it didn't work out anyway.

It would have cost nearly $12K more.

Ha.

So...we froze our contract.

Technically we can do this for up to nine months,

pay a reactivation fee (crappy, IMO)

and go back active.

If we move during this nine months, 

we might be able to complete our contract.

It's hard, knowing that for now,

it's over.

There is no chance for us to adopt at this time.

It's heartbreaking.

To know that we were so close,

having held a baby in our arms 

and walked away.
That was my worst fear,
and it came true. 

To know that we almost made it again.

And now it's done. 

I hope that we are able to recoup financially,

and able to pursue adoption.

I hate that it has cost us SO much,

and not just monetarily.

It's a terrible roller coaster.

It would have been totally worth it,

if it ended happily.

But it hasn't. 

It makes me wonder if we should have just 

poured all this money into fertility treatment.

Rough Week

Kevin left for training.

His sister moved into her first apartment. 

Last night, Kiwi bird died. 

Ugh.

A Second Opinion

Talked to another adoption lawyer today. 

Her opinion is similar to the first. 

We don't know how the state will rule,

because no one has challenged this law 

since it was put into affect in April.

We need to file a Petition to Allow Placement, 

along with getting approval from the court for the fees 

that we paid. 

In 2010.

If that were to get approved 

(and she thinks with an affidavit from Lifetime

explaining that we paid fees to them in 2010,

well before this law and that there aren't any new fees with 

this 'match', 

plus them explaining that we had a failed adoption 

placement in March

-also before this stupid law-

that we have a reasonable chance of getting approval). 

Her fees are similar, 

requiring a $3500 retainer, 

with everything billed hourly after that. 

It looks like it could easily still reach $6000 though. 

Also, with Oklahoma's laws in place, 

we need an agency or attorney there.

That drives legal fees up even more. 

It is looking more and more like 

this particular situation is not 

viable for us. 

We are thinking that we will hold

a fundraiser or two, 

and see if we can raise some of the legal fees. 

If this situation doesn't work out,

this money we raise

would go into a money market account

to wait until we move out this state.

Once we do, 

it will get used to fund yet another home study, 

and legal fees.