Lilypie Waiting to Adopt tickers

Lilypie Waiting to Adopt tickers

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

To Thine Ownself Be True...

It's from Hamlet. I haven't ready many of the classics, but I think I should start. I believe I will plan on them making to my reading list!

Anyway, it's a phrase I've been contemplating. I've had a lot running through my head, and haven't been focused enough to write about much. My apologies on that; but from here on out, I am scheduling blogging time. I miss it!

So many things have been on my mind - crafts I want to start and/or finish. Getting back to my Homemaking Notebook and back on the cleaning schedule. Sorting through everything I can find and selling/trading/donating things I do not want around. Adopting a bird. Kevin's training. Planning a birthday party for Brandon. Friends, family. Going back to Charleston to visit. The adoption plan of our second child, and the things associated with that! And there are lots of things in that arena that concern me. Going to church, finding faith. Who am I on this blog? True to myself? Censoring myself? Do I unintentionally misrepresent who I am - who we are as a family?

Not sure why my mind has been so busy, but it has been. I don't even know where to start! This blog started as an outlet for me, but I have forgotten that as well. So this is me, finding out who I am, how I got here, what is important as I grow and change, and as our family grows and changes.

Our adoption plans have been first and foremost on my (and Kevin's) mind. As we check in with Lifetime each month, it is mostly the same things. What have we done for further our adoption plan? Well, as things are winding down with things we can accomplish, what are we supposed to do? The homestudy is finally, officially done - signed - and turned in. This means that we are open for last minute placements, which gives us some measure of relief. We found out during our February check in that a couple of prospective birth families asked about us in particular, and that Lifetime was waiting on their paperwork! It is sooo exciting! We kept waiting on pins and needles for the phone to ring - and jumped to answer it every time it did. So far though, we haven't heard from Lifetime.

I wonder if the letter in our profile is enough. Will it touch a prospective birth mother? Will it make her like us or curious enough to learn more about us? Just how are we supposed to touch a mother considering adoption with so few words? Do the pictures show us? It's been just about six months now. Shorter than a pregnancy, and just as stressful (in a different way). But no defined end date yet. It's hard to plan - and boy, do I like plans.

And when we do speak to a mother, just what do we say? What kind of life does she hope we can give her baby? Does she have feelings on names? Diapering? Breastfeeding? Formula feeding? We cloth diaper - it's better for the Earth, but also more comfortable (I mean, we don't wear paper underwear!) and economical. Will that bother her? I have considered inducing lactation to nurse our next child - it was such an amazing thing to do for Monkey, and such an awesome bond. No bottles to mix or lug around, no formula to measure or buy. But how do I bring the topic up to get her feelings on the matter? Because her feelings are important here as well. Do I even want to do the protocol to induce lactation?

There are just SO MANY things to wonder about! I like to have plans of action for all situations, but this is one that I just don't.


  1. Hi Heidi,
    Have you read the book 'Open Adoption Connections' yet? It is really good. If I still have an extra copy I will send it on.
    Some of the questions you post above you really don't need to bombard a birthmom with. I would omit refs to lactation throughout the adoption period. Along with circumsion plans that is really a personal and religious plan for the adoptive parents. You will be their parents and you get the right to make decisions for their health. Cloth diapering also goes along the same lines. Focus on the experiences and on your dreams for the child in conversations. The end is more important then the path to get there. The BMs already have WAY too much to focus on and you don't want to overwhelm someone with potential concerns (if they don't agree with you). It is easier to agree on long-term goals (college, religion-choice, rearing-technique, dream vacations, trips to the zoo, sports teams, etc.)

    Hang in there!
    -Jen S.

  2. Thanks for your comment, Jen! I hadn't even thought about the circumcision issue, as we left our son intact! I get what you're saying though; I just don't want the child's first mother to feel that we weren't honest about our choices.

  3. They know you have choices but they don't need to be reminded that they no longer get choices...

  4. Anonymous - that wasn't very helpful. Part of my wondering and stressing about is that I do not want any misconceptions or understandings. We hope to have a great and open relationship with them so that they don't feel like shut out. They are making the ultimate CHOICE for their child; I want to make sure we do right by that choice.