We're OK

Mr Monkey was released from the hospital on Wednesday afternoon.

Other than getting tired easily 

(which our regular family doctor says is typical of pneumonia),

he seems to be fully recovered.

Our biggest hurdle has been getting him back on track

and realizing that he cannot have his way about what to eat

(because we were desperate for him to eat anything at all)

and watching movies all day

(because what else is there to do when stuck to a hospital bed by an IV and SpO2 monitor?).

Today, I took him to Lowe's Build and Grow workshop.

We haven't been in a few months,

and he greatly enjoyed that.

****

I also finally contacted the lawyer that we retained in our failed adoption.

We are entitled to a small refund, 

due to the fact that the paperwork had already been drafted

since there were no indicators that R had chosen to parent.

That was the hardest thing:

she asked me when I would be back the next morning with my family,

and five minutes later said that she couldn't go through with it. 

Anyway, 

I am glad we get a portion of the money back.

****

I am also not feeling very positive or hopeful about things.

I feel like throwing in the towel.

Maybe it's just not meant to be. 

We'll wait until the end of our contract

(which now ends in November),

but I don't know if we will extend it any further.

Seeing so many other families adopt 

in such a short period,

while we wait and wait and wait

is disheartening.

Ten years of not preventing pregnancy,

eight years of actively trying to conceive,

seven fertility cycles with IUI,

more than 24 months of fertility drugs.

Two pregnancies,

one miscarriage.

Eighteen months of waiting to be chosen to adopt,

a home study and home study update,

a lost retainer, 

one close encounter with a mother considering adoption,

one long term "match" with another mother considering adoption,

leading to

a failed adoption.

I don't know how much more I can take in my heart.

It's hard on a marriage, 

the ever hopefulness that leads to despair.

A little boy who notices his friends have siblings,

and wonders why he doesn't,

especially since he thought he did.

I don't know what the right path is.

I was playing on Pinterest and ran across a pin of a Bible verse.

I needed it today, so I leave it with you.

The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them;

He delivers them from all their troubles.

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted

and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

Psalm 34:17-18