I really wish the phone would ring.
Seriously, most people act like it is such an easy thing to adopt.
"Oh, trouble getting pregnant? Just adopt! There are so many people that can't/don't want to parent,
and children that need homes!"
It's really freaking hard.
Domestic adoption =
waiting for expectant mother to choose you. And seeing a lot of other prospective adoptive families whose wait is much shorter than yours.
Foster Adopt =
getting placements and potentially losing them, because the ultimate goal of foster care in general is family reunification.
International adoption =
much more expensive, extensive paper work, stringent regulations from both the country you adopt from and the one you live in. Still a L-O-N-G wait.
And watching teenagers and people who don't even WANT kids have them?
Sometimes, I feel like freaking out.
Sometimes I do it. (Inside. Or late at night.)
I wish I could see the fabric of the Lord's plan,
because from where I sit,
THIS SUCKS.
I know exactly how you feel. My husband and I have been trying for six years with no luck at all. We have spent tons on doctors and just can't decide to adopt or just give up. I have been researching adopting lately but it just seems like more heartache to frost on top of what I have now. Yes it sucks it suck in capital letters. Your not the only one that freaks out inside and out. I have moment where I can't even be around people with children cause I get sick to my stomach. But, I have learned to go on. I keep my mind and free time busy so it doesn't wonder on things that can't be helped. I do hope that you are matched with someone that will give you the baby you are hoping for. I wish you all the luck in the world!
ReplyDeleteI wish you all the best too, Heidi! I wouldn't wish infertility or anything else that goes with it on my worst enemy.
DeleteHeidi, Honey it has been a million years since i have really known you but I can relate to you on a few levels here. I had a VERY hard time getting pregnant. When I did get pregnant they were either tubal or I misscarried. When I got pregnant with my oldest I SWORE to myself I would not get excited until she was in my arms. She was our miracle because docs said I would never be able to carry a baby to 20 weeks much less full term. After Chey was born we started right away trying to get pregnant and again docs said oh Diane you have horrid scar tissue from your c section and your Endo is out of control. Well we said oh well we have our baby girl. 2 years later I found out I was pregnant with not 1 but 2 babies. Twins I was floored and very scared. I went in for another ultrasound at 8 weeks and baby A's heart beat was gone. When I left the doc I just knew we would lose the other but she is here lol. ok point to all this... I have been pregnant a total of 11 times and I have only 2 babies. Heidi you are way stronger than me because I couldn't do the adoption process. I am adopted and I just know there is no way I could have my heart on the line like that. if there is anything I can do just let me know.
ReplyDeleteI cannot say how sorry I am that you've experienced losses that way. The one miscarriage I had (which was a suspected tubal for a few scary weeks) was brutal. I have endometriosis and polycystic ovarian disease - Kevin and I have not ever really prevented pregnancy. (((HUGS))) to you as well.
DeleteMy losses are still almost nothing compaired to yours. You had the baby girl in your arms and had to walk away. I am praying God gives you the stregnth to keep going. From what I see you guys are wonderful parents and there is a baby "in the making" that needs you two. that also needs a good big brother. I am praying you guys get to "complete" your family!
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