Holidays fast approaching...

I am finally getting over that cold, though I still sound funny. Woohoo! And can I just say that I love this time of year?!

Halloween with my one eyed, two horned monster was fabulous! We went trick or treating with some friends from Neverland (Peter Pan, Tinkerbell, a Pirate and a Pirate Princess). After we picked some  candy to stay, we put the rest outside and the Great Pumpkin took it and left a very fun "Let's Go Fishing Game!" Last year he brought us Cootie Bugs.

Next up: Breaking Dawn comes out on MY BIRTHDAY WEEKEND! (My birthday is November 19th). I know exactly what I will be doing to celebrate! After that, Thanksgiving (already planning our dinner) and getting ready for Christmas! The Nana (my mom) is coming out for Christmas this year! I am hoping that our big Santa gift will be on sale on Black Friday - if it is, I might brave the crowds.

This year, I am making some homemade gifts as well: a knit hoodie for Monkey, gift baskets for the in laws, and probably a fun movie basket or something for my brother (that he can enjoy with his girlfriend). I would tell you what I am making Kevin and the Nana, but they read here so I can't!

I also have some amazing adoption news to share!

The expectant mother that we have emailed a few times would like to speak to us! We are working on scheduling a call with Lifetime. We are so excited! And nervous! But excited! Please continue to keep her in your thoughts as she makes this difficult decision, as well as us! 

Will keep you posted!

Aaaaah! Nerves and Halloween...

Have I mentioned that I love Halloween? It's one of my favorite holidays! It's also during my favorite season - FALL! Well, it's not so fall-ish here in the desert lately...but TONIGHT it was! Monkey's former teacher and friend of mine invited us to a Halloween party! Monkey is going as "a monster, wif one eye and TWO HORNS! *evil laugh!*Kevin is dressed as some random evil thing (black and red, freaky skull mask and hood). I am a vampire. A pale, sparkly vampire. Yeah, I am one of THOSE people. The ones who like love Twilight. Pics pending! (I've *really* got to download that camera soon...)

We went to the Pumpkin Festival at our local corn maze - the same one with the ducky races from last year. We've also been participating in the Lowe's Build and Grow program...Did you know that it's FREE?! I didn't. I am very glad that I've been informed, because Monkey LOVES it! We've made a Monster Machine and a Monster truck so far (both in October).

What else has been happening....oh, yes! I had to have a root canal and then the next week I was attacked by a horrible virus that had me mostly in bed for 3 days. The doctor says that the virus was likely from one of the little creatures at preschool; you see what I get for volunteering?

But I have much better news.

The expectant mom that changed her mind? She is reconsidering adoption as an option! She, her boyfriend and their daughter have been in our prayers - that they would find peace in their decision, whatever it may be. Much to our surprise, today we got an email (through the facilitator) from her! We're really excited to get to know her better and see what this situation holds for everyone! I am asking that you add them to your prayer list - guidance and a clear heart to make the best decision for themselves and their daughter!

Disappeared Again

Many apologies. It's been busy here.

We decided to get another car, since we are now legal guardians to Kevin's younger sister. And since we hope that we will get a call about a baby soon, we decided to go with a Honda Odyssey. This way our horse of a dog plus our kidlets can still fit. :)

We also moved to a new house; I am working on getting pictures of it! It's wonderful - much bigger and 4 bedrooms, just waiting to be filled.

Our adoption facilitator, Lifetime Adoption, also contacted us. An expectant mother who was considering adoption  was interested in us! We got a lovely email from her and wrote back. A baby girl due in January! While we waited anxiously, we were so excited. I think I let myself get a bit too excited.

After doing some soul searching, the mother has decided to parent her baby since she felt that she was making her decision about adoption based on the baby's father, and not her own. I am very happy that she is strong enough to realize that, and to make the decision that is best for herself and for her daughter.

However, I am heartbroken for myself, for my husband and for my son. I've always wanted my babies to be close in age, and it's something that is very important to me. I find myself wondering if that's just not meant to be. Perhaps we are only supposed to have an only child. I couldn't ask for a better one than we've got. It is very hard to not compare our situation to that of others.

A couple of my closest friends started their families at a ridiculously young age. One now has five kids, another has six. Several others have 3, 4 or more in precarious family situations. I feel as if I've been forgotten about, left out. Why are others able to have kids so easily? Why should my wonderful husband and the best father I know, not be a father to many simply because I am broken and don't work? We have friends who started having kids AFTER us, have two or three or more...It's so HARD to understand.

Why are these BABIES being forgotten about, lost, murdered by their families? Clearly, I've been watching too much of the news. I hear about 600-1000 kids in my own community who are, or nearly are, homeless. Why didn't God give just a few of them to us?

Sometimes, this process of infertility and grieving, pregnancy and more infertility, pregnancy loss and MORE infertility and being led to adoption...it's brutal. I feel like this is what we are supposed to do, but it still isn't working. Maybe the answer is just: No More Kids.



But I will keep praying for my phone to ring, an email to come or a miracle to happen.

Not for the faint of heart...

Adoption, that is.

This wait. So difficult sometimes. We had an *almost* baby; but it feels like it slid through our hands like butter.

The situation was not ideal, and was urgent. We found out about it last night. A baby boy born on Wednesday! We contacted our Facilitator, but didn't hear back last night. When we checked in this morning, we found that they already had another family that was working with the birthmother.

We mentally started to make plans - when to leave, what to pack, dreaming of names...While it didn't totally feel like our situation, it is still very disappointing. I am really trying to focus on the fact that this will happen in God's time, with the baby that should be ours, with the birth family that we can be extra family to.

I really wish I could see when - or if - this is going to happen for us. It's been 13 months today. Does anyone  have any words of wisdom?

Photos for a Friend, and a Prayer Request

A couple of weeks ago, a local friend said she was looking for a photographer to take some pictures of her and her husband. I offered to take them for her, for portfolio building and some practice for me. I am very glad that they took me up on the offer!

The pictures were in honor of their second anniversary! This last year had been rough for R & D, and they wanted to celebrate!

 

These are just a few from their session in a local park. R & D are a beautiful couple and were fun to work with. They also didn't mind me taking extra time to get it right as I learn.

If you pray, please say one for this lovely couple. R & D are going through a very dark time and could use lots of love, prayer, and healing energy.

One Year Today

It's strange to think that today, August 17, we have officially been waiting to adopt a second child for a year.

We first started trying to conceive another child two years ago.

Since we waited and tried for Monkey for 6 years, I suppose we're still doing well. Some days, like today, remaining positive can be a struggle. It is hard not to question ourselves, the profile, are we good enough....

Today, I will feel a little frustrated and sad. Tomorrow, I will find my positivity again.

Crazy times!

Kevin's younger sister came to visit us for awhile in June. We went to Carlsbad Caverns! Super fun stuff.

 Please excuse my wonderful "look". Hiking around down there is hot! 

And amazingly - it actually feels awesomely cool in the caverns.

 This is Monkey refusing to take pictures.

And still angry about it, we see. 

Shaless (the younger sister) is going to be staying with us for her senior year! Should be much fun - Monkey loves having her around. She's already got a job here, and is settling in nicely. Registering for school tomorrow! 

Monkey's preschool open house was tonight! It was great to see his friends we haven't seen all summer, and meet his teachers. And he already knows one of them - she was his teacher last year. He will still be going twice a week. Also - Monkey was invited to join a boys only gymnastics class! This means he will start learning on men's skills and apparatus - down in the big gym! We won't be in the small one anymore. :(

The adoption front - no major movement. They've changed our check in procedures - it's no longer required. We have been participating in the webinars they offer. Still just a waiting game. I can't believe it is coming up on a year since we contracted.

VBS, the ER & Independance Day

I volunteered to be a Tour Guide for Vacation Bible School at our church. The theme this year was "Upside Down and Inside Out on Main Street." My class was the second and third graders - as a tour guide, I helped herd them from one place on Main Street to the next.

It was really exhausting, but tons of fun. I learned right along with the kiddos. Monkey was able to attend as well - his class were Firefighters! (Mine were Tourists.)

This our upside down Main Street. 

Yes, Kevin's arms (and mine!) hurt after hanging that. 

Kevin and Monkey helped build the fire truck. 

After Kevin made the ladder, I cut out the rungs.

And here is Main Street in the Sanctuary.

We also learned songs (including sign language) that infiltrated my brain for days. Luckily they were cute, and had generally good messages. The one that followed me around in my head the most was "I'll adjust my attitude - to gratitude - thank God for everything!"

**

As great as the week was, we did have one very rough day. Monday when Monkey and I left the church, he said his tummy hurt. He used the restroom, and I thought that was the end. On our drive home though, he was in tears off and on with pain. 

At the house, I checked his temp and found a low grade fever. Decided to get him checked, and was assured everything was fine. Came home, he took a nap. Monkey woke up with a 104 degree fever and in lots of pain again. Decided to go the ER - spent HOURS there being evaluated for appendicitis. Poor thing had to get an IV (for blood draws and a bolus of fluids) - had a bag taped on to catch a urine sample (this really, really, REALLY offended him) and then a CT scan. 

Turns out he had some swollen lymph nodes in the same area as the appendix and those were causing pain. Got home at 1:30 in the morning. He ran a slight fever Tuesday, but nothing dramatic. Slept a lot. The next day, while tired, he was totally fine.

Stressful.

**

 We had a fairly low key Independence Day here. Stayed at the house most of the day, watched a movie and played with Monkey. After his nap, we went to one of Kevin's co-workers house (with lots of people from work) who had a great view of the fireworks from his backyard! (Woohoo! No traffic to deal with!) It was fun, but we left soon after as Monkey was tired and beginning to melt down. 

Today was the first day that Monkey and I have managed to stay home and not leave the house  in two weeks. I had a lot of fun wearing pajamas. All. Day. Long. (Don't judge)

Waiting...

I know that I haven't posted much in the way of adoption updates.

Right now, there simply aren't any. That there hasn't been any activity is pretty hard some days. We've updated our website with Lifetime. They aren't in need of any profiles (though we are considering updating some minor things just to do something productive). Lifetime has suggested we add a video or an audio message to the site, but to be honest, speaking to someone I have never met seems utterly terrifying.

We're just taking life as it comes right now, remaining hopeful...Sometimes my new-found faith struggles with the wait, seeing other Mommy's become pregnant and have their babies, seeing other Hopeful Adoptive Parents meet their new bundle. All you need is faith the size of a mustard seed though, right?

Monkey has been going to summer camp at his school for the past two weeks - each week is a different country! He's learned about Ireland and Chile. I have been volunteering with another Mommy from his class and doing snack for all of the camp (only about 25 kids). Next week is Vacation Bible School. Monkey is attending, and I have volunteered to help with the second grade children, taking them from one activity to the next. I will also be the photographer!

I've *really* got to take the time and update my reading list! I've read tons of books. Most of them on my handy-dandy Nook. I pretty much carry it with me at all times. Oh! Kevin & I are participating in a 12 week class at church called Beginnings. It is supposed to help believers and non-believers alike learn about themselves and Christianity. So far, pretty interesting.

Must be off now, bloggers. The Monkey is having trouble sleeping.

Kiwi, Monkey, and a Pirate

 This is Kiwi.

He's a Green Cheeked Conure, who hatched in January.

Kiwi is very sweet and tolerant. 

He came to Monkey's preschool to visit the kids!

 Here is my Pirate, Kevin. 

(also known as my Husband)

Kiwi looks unimpressed by this flexing! 

HAHA!

 Here is Monkey checking Kiwi out. 

Monkey is a little nervous, but only because Kiwi tries to fly.

He's got clipped wings though, and only flutters to the ground. 

Just further proof that my Kevin is a big Kid. 

That is Monkey's eye patch, and Kevin's idea. 

Arrrgh! 

(Did you hear that?)

Our Foster Bird, Jack

 This is Jack. 

 He is a 14 year old Blue & Gold Macaw, whose family turned him into a rescue for a screaming problem.

Having a B&G has been a dream of mine since I was 12 years old, when I fell in love with one at a pet store. 

His name was Dusty.

I tried in vain to save up for him.

 Jack is a very sweet boy...to me. 

He tolerates Kevin.

Monkey just likes to look and talk. 

 We met him at a rescue in our state. 

Jack is only being fostered with us for awhile, because his screaming is very severe.

We hope to meet another bird, who loves us that we can provide a forever home to,

especially if Jack is not happy in our house.

He is a very silly boy though, who has lots of words, which provide us with endless amusement.

Jack answers the phones, calls "HI" and "BYE" if we aren't in the room with him.

He also asks, "Wanna go bye bye? Huh? No!"

We also hear a random, "Alright!" for no discernible reason.

Jack just started meowing. He also barks and growls, and says "Quack quack quack!"

In his first home, he was with a family that had small children. Jack can be a jealous boy, and started screaming. The children screamed back, and it turned into a terrible screaming habit. With a lot of work, the Rescue thinks that Jack's screaming can be greatly reduced. We are working with him here!

I am worried that it will turn out to be too much for Monkey especially. If it does though, this Rescue is AWESOME and I know that he will be well loved until he finds a forever family.

Pictures! (Part 2)

 Here is Monkey at his End of Year show for preschool.

Looks impressed, huh?

 This is all of the kids singing a song about summer!

 This one is my favorite. 

His class sang the "Baby Bumblebee" song.

Snapped at the end of their performance.

It is the face he makes when singing the end of anything.

Monkey then demands you clap.

 At the end of April, we had front row seats to a fire.

 Said fire was on the mountains behind our house.

It was apparently started by a tank. 

Yes. A TANK.

That also meant we had front row seats to the efforts of ending the fire.

We watched fire crews cut fire breaks and back burn.

Also, we observed (and listened to) 

giant tanker helicopters flying almost nonstop. 

Luckily, even though they told us to be prepared for an evacuation, 

it never happened.

Pictures! (Part 1)

Here is Monkey on our trip to S Carolina and Georgia! 

Such a hammy guy.

A shot at my Aunt's house.

I really miss the South.

(but it gave me a wonderful place to practice with my camera!)

Wisteria!

Really. I miss the green. 

The desert is so...brown. And dusty.

The quilt! 

It's been done for a while now.

Isn't it adorable?

Monkey loves it, which makes me happy.

Molly Bubble Romper

It was for baby Paige.

And a flowery headband to go with it!

Update of EPIC PROPORTIONS!

HA! My and my New Years Resolutions...they don't usually pan out. I've been thinking about you, my bloggity bloggers! And reading YOUR blogs. But mine?! Pshhht.

Anyway.

I have updates of all sorts. Adoption stuff, animals, birthdays, craftiness, faith, trip....How about I put it that order? It's alphabetical and everything!

Adoption: Not really a whole lot going on there. Lifetime is still presenting out profiles - we were told about a couple of expectant mothers that were interested in us, but nothing panned out. Recently, I saw a situation posted on their website that really and truly touched my soul, and have been praying about it daily. It's been nine months of waiting now - a full term pregnancy. No baby in sight. It's hard to maintain hope some days, but we're going with it. Hopefully, the baby (babies?!) that are supposed to be with us get here soon.

Animals: I have informed your that our home would be a zoo given a chance, right? I've been working on Kevin - I want to add a large bird to our family. :) I managed to find a great stainless steel cage on our local craigslist awhile back. Kevin also let me pick up a little green cheeked conure! His name is Kiwi. However, he has only fueled my desire for a bigger birdie. I have been dreaming of a blue and gold macaw since I was about 12 when I met a lovely one called Dusty. I plan to find a more suitable cage for a Mr Kiwi here (the one he is in is rather large for his size) and then to visit a rescue that is a few hours from here to (hopefully!) bring a new family member home.

Birthdays: My little Monkey....is T-H-R-E-E! I cannot believe this. He is SO big now - 40.5 inches tall. Takes after his Daddy and uncles for sure. He's such a little smarty pants. We had a superbly fun party with him at the gym where he does his tumbling class! (Pictures pending. Along with everything else in this post.)

Craftiness: I have acquired more yarn. Beautimous yarn. Alas, I have done not much with it. I also found lover-ly fabric and started a cathedral window quilt. LOVE IT. You will too. Like I said, pictures are pending.

Faith: I talked mucho about my journey before, and all the reading. Pretty sure that I told you about going to church.. We've been going quite regularly, actually. It's been good! Kevin and I both spoke to the Pastor separately, and decided to join...this means that I took a huge step in this journey of faith. I was baptized! In front of people! And I didn't pass out, freak out or run away! Yay me! I've still been reading TONS though - need to update that book list on the side.

Trip: Monkey and I went to S. Carolina to visit family to give Kevin time to do some things for work. We stayed about 2 weeks and had lots of fun! Our friends from DC now live in S. Carolina now, a couple of hours from my mom's house. They came down to see us! Much fun! Kat & I went to plunder a local yarn store - got drenched in the process, but what they hay.
We saw Kevin's younger sister! I took her prom shopping and found her an adorable dress...plus all the accessories. This annoyed Monkey to no end, but he still had a great time.
We saw my grandfather, where Monkey pilfered LifeSaver gummies and Raisinets. Fairly amusing. While in SC, we also went to Georgia to visit my aunt & uncle, which was also tons of fun.

I plan to be back soon with lots of pictures to illustrate this post. :)

We've also got the last week of school for Monkey coming up with a super fun Water Day planned there. His gymnastics recital is in a few weeks, too! And hopefully we'll have some kind of super fantabulous adoption update soon.

Wishes

I just read about a young man, 'Mighty' Max Low. He's 12 years old and has been battling leukemia since age 5. He hasn't attended his school in over a year. His parents, Greg & Bambi Low, were told to enjoy him while they could, because it looked like it was the end of the road on February 15.

However, now there is hope of a bone marrow transplant on the horizon. His own bone marrow showed no cancerous cells last Monday, and his father Greg is a 90 percent match!

Max has a wish - nothing outrageous. He doesn't want to meet a celebrity or some other extravagance. Max just wants to receive one million 'get well' cards! Please help fulfill his wish by sending him a card to the address below. I've read on one site that he has received thousands of cards so far, one of them from former President George Bush, Sr! She takes about 300 of them a day to the hospital for him to read.

Mighty Max Low
c/o Greg & Bambi Low
P.O. Box 111
Neola, IA 51559

Conversation with Monkey

Kevin: "Do you have a girlfriend, Monkey?"
Monkey: "Yeah."
Kevin: "No?"
Monkey: "YEAH!"
Kevin: "Oh, you do? Who is your girlfriend?"
Monkey: "Daniella...Elise*..."
Kevin: "You can't date older women!"
Monkey: "...Hayli...uhhhh..."
Kevin: "That's 3. That's enough! You don't need any more."
Monkey: "Nooooooooo..."


*Elise would be the mother of his friend that lives down the street. The very same Elise whose maternity pictures I took in December!

March Check In

Every month, we are required to fill out a check in form for Lifetime. We update any information that has changed (none. Who moves/changes jobs/does anything that will affect the home study while adopting?); what we've done to further our adoption plan (looking for a local lawyer this month, we got referrals from our social worker); and do we have any questions.

The answer is always the same. Do we need to send in more profiles? Is there anything that we can do on our end? Have we had any activity at all?!

We are good on profiles this month. We haven't had to send in more after our original 50.

It was suggested that we consider adding audio or video to our website. We are considering this, but it's kind of nerve wracking! What does one say in an interview to a faceless person that we have never met who is trying to make a humongous decision for a precious baby?

SOMEONE INQUIRED ABOUT US JUST LAST NIGHT! Lifetime has sent this mother, bless her heart, the paperwork and things for her to fill out. If she does make an adoption plan, we've at least made a blip on her radar!

I hope that we hear something. I find myself saying a quick prayer before I look at the Caller ID before I answer the phone! We are both waiting on pins and needles for this to happen for our family. I've had lots of dreams, all different scenarios and people, about meeting our second child.

I hope it is in His plan to happen soon.

Ash Wednesday

Today marks the beginning of the Lenten season - 40 days; from now until Easter - we should reflect, mourn and repent our sins to the Lord.

I've never participated in Lent before - mostly because the churches I went to as a kid didn't. Or if they did, I didn't know, because we didn't go very often. And then as I got older, questioning faith and participating for a time in other faiths (which most definitely influence me today) I didn't have a reason to.

The church we've started attending -where Monkey goes to preschool - does follow this practice. Tonight there are Ash Wednesday services, which I have never been to. I am nervous about going, mostly because I hate going to things alone and Kevin is working tonight.

I've decided to go along with all Lenten customs, and give up something; and also to DO something. The things I won't be doing is cussing. I cuss a lot, mostly in just normal conversation. Apparently, more so than I thought, because when I told Kevin this he laughed! Actually laughed! He told me, "It's supposed to be a sacrifice, something hard; not something impossible!" Then laughed some more. Oh well. I will just show him!

The thing I am doing, I will be keeping private until the Lent season is over. I will reflect on it here after I am done.

I think I won't give up my celebrating of Life returning to Earth; spring is wonderful! I love the new plants, flowers, trees getting leaves...and I love decorating with eggs and seeing new baby animals, the most prolific of which is bunnies. We saw bunches of them last night.

What are you doing or not doing this Lent season? What will you give up? If you are not Christian, what faith do you celebrate? What are your customs for the return of Spring, and Life?

Phone

I am starting to hate when my phone rings.

Every time it does, a part of me jumps into panic - where is the phone? Why is it never where I left it? What if I miss the call? Is it Lifetime?!

And then I find the phone and check the caller ID. So far, it hasn't been Lifetime. I want it to be them with news!

I am trying so hard to find and practice my patience (as I tell Monkey). When the time comes, we'll get the call. About the right situation, with the right baby(ies?).

I really wish I had a crystal ball.

A Nook & Some Faith

Kevin - wonderful husband that he is - bought me a Nook Color!

I am very excited. As I mentioned before, I *love* to read. Devour books. For example, yesterday when we were at Barnes & Noble (when Kevin bought said Nook), I read "Heaven is For Real," by Todd Burpo with Lynn Vincent. It's a really great book, about a little 4 year old called Colton. He came out of a very serious surgery with an amazing story about having visited Heaven. It's remarkably in line with a couple of other books I have read about similar things - "90 Minutes in Heaven" by Don Piper and "The Boy Who came Back from Heaven: A Remarkable Account of Miracles, Angels and Life Beyond This World" by Kevin & Alex Malarkey."

*Side note - I have really been drawn to these books the last few months. Not sure why, but they have helped me find footing in faith again. I should mention that I now believe this journey of mine - back to faith in Christ - began with hearing about this amazing artist called Akiane. Oddly enough, she is mentioned in "Heaven is For Real."

*Side side note - I even started going to church. For me, this is truly momentous. I would feel panicky even setting foot in a church because of a childhood incident. I believe that some things I dealt with in childhood became the root of my waning faith; what eventually became a lack of faith and then a series of long steps that led me to learn about other faiths before I could begin to find where I fit. I am just now finding it, but it feels good so far.

Another odd fact - I read the two other books I mentioned while I was in the book store. Which brings me back to the Nook! Kevin feels that this is an investment in his sanity, I think. I collect books. Two bookshelves are filled; there is a box full in the spare room and my nightstand is piled quite high with books. Now that I can store these on my magical Nook, I think he hopes I will not be bringing home a new book or two a week!

I've mentioned the books that have touched me the most recently, but I have several authors that I read rather...passionately. Christine Feehan for instance - I love all of the series that she is writing. I buy them the second I see them, usually. And Kim Harrison's 'The Hollows' series. I love Nora Roberts as well. And of course, Twilight. Truthfully, that list does not begin to cover the authors I read and books I have. I could go on and on and on.

But now...Now I can get them for a lower price, carry them ALL with me, and my Nook is smart enough to remember my pages in all of them. Plus they have Free Book Fridays. What more could I want?!

Crafty Me!

So, guess what!? (Nope, the quilt still isn't done...don't judge me.)

I have been bitten by the knitting bug again! And I went on a yarn shopping spree. Beautiful, squishalicious, yummy yarn. And I have pictures.

This colorway is called "Sprout," and is dyed by Nurturing Threads. The yarn is Aria Organic Merino. I heart their work, really and truly. I am still undecided on what this will become - either a romper, or a pants/sweater/hat set.

This one is called "Iced Giraffes," which matches an adorable fabric by the same name. It is also by Nurturing Threads, and is also Aria Organic Merino. And it has now been turned into this:

Newborn pants! I am also working on a soaker out of this yarn, and possibly a hat.

This is called "Tristan & Isolde." I got it not only because it's beautimous, but also because I like that story. Sue me. It's dyed by Mosaic Moon on (whom I also love) on Organic Bulky Merino!

This is one of my most favorite colorways. It's Mosaic Moon's "Copper Patina." I have been coveting it since Monkey was a baby, and I finally got my paws on it! I have not a clue what it will be, but whatever it is will be awesome.

I also have a couple of more gorgeous colorways on the way to me, and I will share them with you when they arrive. Plus a few that I am coveting and will find a way to own at some point!

To Thine Ownself Be True...

It's from Hamlet. I haven't ready many of the classics, but I think I should start. I believe I will plan on them making to my reading list!

Anyway, it's a phrase I've been contemplating. I've had a lot running through my head, and haven't been focused enough to write about much. My apologies on that; but from here on out, I am scheduling blogging time. I miss it!

So many things have been on my mind - crafts I want to start and/or finish. Getting back to my Homemaking Notebook and back on the cleaning schedule. Sorting through everything I can find and selling/trading/donating things I do not want around. Adopting a bird. Kevin's training. Planning a birthday party for Brandon. Friends, family. Going back to Charleston to visit. The adoption plan of our second child, and the things associated with that! And there are lots of things in that arena that concern me. Going to church, finding faith. Who am I on this blog? True to myself? Censoring myself? Do I unintentionally misrepresent who I am - who we are as a family?

Not sure why my mind has been so busy, but it has been. I don't even know where to start! This blog started as an outlet for me, but I have forgotten that as well. So this is me, finding out who I am, how I got here, what is important as I grow and change, and as our family grows and changes.

Our adoption plans have been first and foremost on my (and Kevin's) mind. As we check in with Lifetime each month, it is mostly the same things. What have we done for further our adoption plan? Well, as things are winding down with things we can accomplish, what are we supposed to do? The homestudy is finally, officially done - signed - and turned in. This means that we are open for last minute placements, which gives us some measure of relief. We found out during our February check in that a couple of prospective birth families asked about us in particular, and that Lifetime was waiting on their paperwork! It is sooo exciting! We kept waiting on pins and needles for the phone to ring - and jumped to answer it every time it did. So far though, we haven't heard from Lifetime.

I wonder if the letter in our profile is enough. Will it touch a prospective birth mother? Will it make her like us or curious enough to learn more about us? Just how are we supposed to touch a mother considering adoption with so few words? Do the pictures show us? It's been just about six months now. Shorter than a pregnancy, and just as stressful (in a different way). But no defined end date yet. It's hard to plan - and boy, do I like plans.

And when we do speak to a mother, just what do we say? What kind of life does she hope we can give her baby? Does she have feelings on names? Diapering? Breastfeeding? Formula feeding? We cloth diaper - it's better for the Earth, but also more comfortable (I mean, we don't wear paper underwear!) and economical. Will that bother her? I have considered inducing lactation to nurse our next child - it was such an amazing thing to do for Monkey, and such an awesome bond. No bottles to mix or lug around, no formula to measure or buy. But how do I bring the topic up to get her feelings on the matter? Because her feelings are important here as well. Do I even want to do the protocol to induce lactation?

There are just SO MANY things to wonder about! I like to have plans of action for all situations, but this is one that I just don't.

Reading

I've got a few longer posts that I plan on getting up in the next week or so, but just wanted to post something quickly.

I read. A lot. A whole lot, actually. In fact one of my posts is all about books. I might endeavor to keep a list of books I have read this year on the blog and update you with my thoughts and opinions. Anyway, one of them I am reading had a great quote in it, that is actually from another book.

If faith never encounters doubt, if truth never struggles with error, if good never battles with evil, how can faith know its own power? -Gary Parker, The Gift of Doubt

(Which is now on my list to read.)
Anyway, just a thought for the day.

I Love My Camera

I've always loved to take pictures. Am I the best at it? Not really. But I did get the most awesome-est gift from Kevin last year after he came home from training.

A Nikon D5000. And 2 lenses. And a tripod, a camera bag and memory card. Mostly I have taken some awesome pictures of Monkey (because he is SO photogenic. Really, it's not because I am his mom...maybe). You've seen some of the results here on Clever Name.

I've also got Photoshop Elements, which I am finally bothering to learn about. You know, more than just basics. I can actually DO things with it! Who knew?! I taught myself to digitally scrapbook - hence our most awesome adoption profiles. And I finally learned some photo-editing. It's not like I want to be a photographer one day or something - I'd just like to have some fun on the side and take some pretty great pictures for our friends. It helps me learn the camera, learn editing and they get some pictures for free that they might not have gotten otherwise.

I have a pregnant friend and neighbor. Her little boy is just a few months younger than mine, so they play a bit. I finally asked her if she'd let me take some pictures of her for learning experience for me, and fun for her. She said YES! (Thank you, Elise!).

I am now brave enough to share those with you here - lucky you! Please feel free to comment and tell me what you think.

Belly and Baby Girl's Name

Beautiful Belly

A Windy Day, fun angle

Just Belly, Baby's Name

Simple, in the house

Baby Girl's Hair Accessories

Invisible Pregnant Lady!

Isn't she beautiful?!

These were actually taken on her very last day of being pregnant - the baby came the next afternoon, roughly 24 hours after these were taken.